Advice re: a vice


My last glass of wine, ever

I've always been a light drinker. I can count on one hand the number of times I've gotten trashed in the past two years. But I do often enjoy a drink, maybe two, so I was pretty disappointed today when my doctor told me:

No alcohol. At all. Ever.

So, it looks like I need a new vice.

Gambling? It's never been a thrill for me.
Weed? Makes my heart palpitate, my hands shaky and my brain foggy.
Coke? Only if you're buying.
Shoes? I already have plenty, although I guess I could clear out some space in my closet.

Please offer your suggestions in the comments.

5 comments:

john said...

I know what you're thinking, but Hep C is not contagious, so relax, germophobes, just don't ask to borrow my toothbrush. (And yes, I am healthy)

But now I have to figure out how to respond if someone asks me out for a drink.

Eric said...

You could always be really indulgent toward a pet of sorts, and join the ranks of gays everywhere who replace children in their lives with pets. My plan is to get a pittbull mix by the beginning of summer. I am sorry to hear you have hep C.

s-t-e-v-e-n said...

I recommend posting fake craigslist missed connections as your new vice. It's akin to masturbation really .. insomuch as it truly is a solo affair which rarely garners notice but keeps the head strong. Let me know if I can help in any way. And yes bitch, you are taking me out dinner.

Here is an example of my missed connection work - you are the only the second person I have shared this with:

Hot Japanese Female Driving on Powell in Gray Mercedes - 33
You were driving a gray mercedes on Powell earlier today. Without notice you swerved into my lane without signaling or looking. The combination of every ounce of ankle and foot strength I had in me coupled with new brake pads and an anti-lock system were all that kept the metal of my Toyota from hitting the German posterior of your Benz. I got into the right lane, turned down my window, honked my horn, had one hand in the air and was as expressive as one could be but you drove on without missing a beat or expressing any physical or emotional awareness. I am still stunned at your complete and utter aloofness while in your vehicle. I am also stunned at how damn hot you were. You game for lunch? ... I'll drive.

john said...

Dog love is no vice. I want one.

But I was thinking, maybe I'll cultivate an appreciation for foie gras. Would that be ironic?

Steven, I haven't forgotten I still owe you dinner, what are you doing on Friday?

cb said...

Caffeine is always good.